After several emotionally trying conversations this week, freak-outs from work, the awfully cold weather and just dealings with life in general, I came to the conclusion this afternoon that I just wanted to be NUMB!
Numb from the hurt, cattiness, stress, sad, scary, enemies, lonliness, "it's not you, it's me", fear, smothering, and all the negative stuff that seems to be hitting me this week.
But NUMB! means numb. Everything is numb.
So I would then be numb from the happy, excited, anticipation, love, friendship, cuddles, joy, confident, and all the good stuff that's out there too.
And I don't think I can give that up. Not even when I feel the worst, do I want to give up the good feelings....not even for a minute!
Thus I'm dealing. My mantra is back to "I will be ok. I will always be ok. I just don't know when OK will be." It has worked before...it shall work again!
I'm getting ready to start into the "busy" season - the "Winter of SWinters"! Linz & I take off for Tahoe in 2 weeks, then I spend a week in Tampa for ISPE, then a long weekend in Miami for a wedding, weekends for baby & bridal showers/bachelorette parties in Branson and a retreat weekend for church. And there may be some trips in there to NC for work, but not sure yet. I'm hoping that the weather gets warmer before I get to go there! Then MA gets married in May and my goal for this year is to participate in 3-4 triathlons this summer. It's gonna be busy.
On the dating front, my 8-ish month stint is coming to a close, I think. There are still some possibilities out there, but we'll see how it pans out. I met some great guys, some creepy guys, had some great meals, saw some fun places, had great conversation and learned a lot about myself along the way. There are traits that I am definitely looking for and many that I will not stand for. I am coming close to figuring out what I want...now he just needs to show up!! Truth be told though, I am ready to step back and take a breather for awhile. I would like to get myself throuh the next busy months and get myself back in order before I go there again.
Oh, and there's knitting too. Now that it's general knowledge that I'm going to be an AUNT! (HOW SUPER COOL IS THAT???) There is so much knitting to be done! I have some projects in the works, that will probably be airplane knitting for several trips. (Need to finish by mid- March....EEK!) I am so very excited for the addition to our family and wish the Dunnters all the love and support in the world!
Yes, I know it's been a couple of months since I've updated, but it's been crazy. And I found Facebook. I resisted for a long time, but I've been enjoying it. It's good to hear how friends from HS and college are doing and especially my family members. There are so many, all spread out, so it makes keeping up with them fun. Check it out!