aka: Shannon's Shananigan's (Since there seems to be less & less knitting and more Shananigan-ing going on as of late and well, let's face it, she's just going to always be a techygeekgirl!!)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Alone...but Not Lonely

Alone is a funny word. At first glance, it comes across as negative. As in our society, in can be bad to be alone, sit alone, walk alone, be alone. But it can be positive too - you may stand alone, work alone or live alone. See, same word, different connotation.

I've been thinking a lot about alone lately. I feel like I'm alone too much these days, but on some days, I feel like I need to be alone. It's odd actually.

This past trip I travelled by myself - alone if you will. But I did not get lonely. I actually had a great time. It seems that when I travel by myself, I get to meet all sorts of great people. During a 4 hour delay for the Zurich flight in NYC, I found myself talking to 2 guys from Tulsa on their way to Lichtenstein for work. And on the way back, I found myself on the same route from Zurich to STL with 3 guys from Boeing who were also chatty. When I travel with others, I don't get to meet other people.

So back to alone. Work is interesting. We have breakfast, work, have lunch, work more, and go to dinner with the same people from our team every day while we are there. Don't get me wrong, it's a great team, but after 2 weeks, you want to be alone. For awhile. And some days, when people or you are crabby or had a stressful day, you want to be alone - for a long time.

But then I get lonely. (lonely is different than alone) And I want to talk to people, so I like to call home. And see how life on the other side of the world is going. And I love to hear about the "nothing" going on here and how STL is doing and everything else. And then I don't feel so lonely, even when I'm alone.

I've decided to take a break from the dating thing and be alone. This has been an interesting decision, but I think it's for the best right now. I've met some great people and some not so great people online, so I think I want to take that break and see what happens. It seems the guys I'm meeting either don't really want to date me, or are obsessed with me or just want to be friends, which is OK too. I don't think I'm that picky, but it's just not worth the hassle and heartbreak to me right now. It will be worth it again at some time in the future and maybe soon...

Now don't get me wrong - sometimes it sucks being alone, but I'm not lonely right now. I have great friends and I'm enjoying the travel. Though I hate coming home to an empty house and not having anyone special to miss me, I know that it will not be forever. It can't be. I can't believe that. I've had it before and it has to happen again - it must. I just don't know when and that's hard for me to accept, being the control freak that I am. But I have to let it go and let God show me the way on this one. I have put my trust in him for so much other stuff, that I have to let him have this one too.

So here I am alone. It's a good alone. I have my pups and a pile of laundry and a list of people to see this week. And I had dinner with my family last night. And I talked to friends on the phone while in the airport yesterday after 10 hours of really no interaction with anyone. And it's good. I have a good life, a good job, a fabulous family and friends.

And the other thing that I've learned is that you are never alone as long as you are loved. And there are lots of people and God on that list, so I know that being alone is the least of my worries.


Post a Comment

<< Home