aka: Shannon's Shananigan's (Since there seems to be less & less knitting and more Shananigan-ing going on as of late and well, let's face it, she's just going to always be a techygeekgirl!!)

Sunday, June 08, 2008

I Don't Think I'm Ok...At Least for Now...

This Summer of Shannon is going to be harder than I thought. I'm one week in and I'm ready to completely jump off the side of my deck to the ground below. This is not going to be pretty.

Now I'm not one to back down from a challenge. Never have been - in fact, I come to seek them out at times.
Golf, no problem - shot a 111 today after not picking up a club in 8 months, including 3 parred holes.
Engineering School - got 2 degrees.
Striking out on my own to find new adventures - bring 'em on.
Rediscovering/figuring out who you are and dealing with the emotional stuff that goes along with it - hand me a drink...I'm going to sit this one out!

Being single sucks. There, I said it. And there is no shame in that. Lots of people feel that way. And no, I don't believe my married friends when they tell me how LUCKY I am to be single...sorry! I just came off a great, fun week in DC and weekend of doing all sorts of stuff and was sent into a tailspin because I feel like someone has blown me off and no clue why. And I just wanted to share fun DC and weekend stories with someone, but I came home to an empty house. Again. (yeah, pups just can't appreciate your stories as much) And my new awning collapsed today and I think it's broken and I don't have anyone here to help me with it. And I just feel like crying...

So yeah, I know, I need to deal with this. And figure this out. And get to the point where this doesn't bother me. And, And, And... And this is not easy for me. I feel like I want to make changes and I don't have a clue where to start. I think I have an idea, but then I go into a tizzy and get all flustered and freak out again. Apparently there is no rule book on this one, so I'm on my own....!

I don't think there is anything wrong with me, honest. (really, you can stop laughing now...) Even after the divorce, when everyone told me "You are going to be Ok", I agreed with them. My response was always: "I know I'm going to be Ok. I just don't know when Ok will be". I don't think I'm there yet - at least not 100%. But I don't know how to get there...yet, either. (so any suggestions would be great!!)

As I continue my quest, for OK, please continue to give your I think I'm going to need as much as I get...

(Oh, and if you happen to have the Cliffs Notes for this...send it my way too!)


At 12:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should read the book, "See Jane Date" by Melissa Senate.


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